Trying to spot a relentless downsider
Posted on June 17, 2009 in Rants | Comments: one
Deaths tend to bring out some really cool people, but they also tend to bring out some really questionable ones. For some, it’s grief – everyone responds to it differently and may end up having regrets later on that don’t need to be enhanced by misplaced judgments from people who were also feeling the grief (and probably had no clue what was really going on). Grief can cause a lack of senses sometimes so you have to keep that in mind with many. There are some however that I’ve termed “Relentless Downsiders.”
What is a Relentless Downsider?
In my definition, a relentless downsider is someone who never has a good thing to say about anybody, unless of course they’re talking directly to someone. If they’re talking to you for instance, you’re so awesome. When you’re out of the room you suddenly become the devil incarnate. Their stories on anything tend to change based on who they’re talking to.
Relentless downsiders will nitpick and obsess on any fault they can find, and if they can’t find one, they’ll either expand on one or make one up out of nothing.
They live, live, LIVE for gossip. And again, if it can’t be found, they’ll create it.
Relentless downsiders are different from your average person with a bad attitude. Downsiders typically appear pretty happy and confident. They just don’t want anyone else to be, consciously or not.
So how do I spot one?
It can be hard to pinpoint a relentless downsider until after they’ve turned their manic message against you in some way, but looking back I have noticed a few trends. Keep in mind that someone exhibiting some of these may not be so bad – no one ever falls into a flat definition because everyone is so different. These are just traits that have shown to attract themselves more often to a relentless downsider:
1. RDs tend to feel they need to tell you every bad thing about everyone they’ve ever known. You’d think by listening to them that no one they have ever met has ever been decent. They’ll even slam their significant others so long as that person is not in the room. When that person is in the room they have the greatest love ever.
2. If they participate in an event they now claim to dislike, all of the blame goes on the partner for getting them into it. RDs have no free will and no mind of their own, apparently. Then you’ll probably hear about how bad anyone else involved is and why.
3. They may never say someone is bad per se – it’s just that everything that person does is apparently quite heinous. Walking the dog at the wrong time of night? Nasty. A facial expression that could be taken completely out of context? Hitler-esque in its wickedness.  You get the idea.
4. If everything they said about other people was ever lined up end to end it would be clear that no one is a good person, no one has ever done anything right and the RD has been in some way mistreated by everyone who has ever lived. Of course to the people they talk about they act like best friends.
5. In my experience RDs talk…and talk…and talk…and talk…and talk…and talk. About anything. About nothing. About everyone. They’re not only Relentless Downsiders, they’re also Relentless Talkers. Hence their desire to fill up space with anything they can think of.
RDs are different than average people who gossip mundanely – I’ve yet to meet a person who hasn’t partaken or at least listened to gossip at some point, including myself. The difference between them and an RD is that with an RD, it’s always bad and has to be repeated to as many people as possible as many times as possible. The urge to gossip can be eliminated by someone who tries hard enough and it can possibly end with one person. Not with an RD.
Some RDs aren’t all that bad to hang around with and have potential to be good people. They have good traits. If you manage to see one for who he or she is I’d just give a few words of advice if you want to stick around. Have fun. Never share personal information. Never rant, on ANYTHING; it will be taken out of context, evolved, enhanced and then shared. And never, ever believe anything they say about anyone. You never know when they’re lying and when they’re not. Just go, “uh huh, whatever,” and continue with your day.
Personally I try to just ignore them completely now. It’s ever so much easier that way. And if you’re the victim of a relentless downsider, don’t worry about it too much. If they go too far, feel free to sue for slander if they actually cause you harm of some sort. Otherwise their true nature will eventually reveal itself to others who will realize they can’t be sure anything the RD said was ever true. Those people might become your friends again. They may have been as driven by grief as anyone else. If they don’t, don’t sweat it. They believed crap about you without bothering to talk to you. They probably didn’t know you well to begin with.
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An addendum:
I’m just adding this here because I didn’t want to make a whole new post and it is related. A cousin to the Relentless Downsider is the Relentless Nick-Nack. I call them that because at the end of the day, they’re about as important as a forgotten nick-nack. FNNs love to hear about drama – they get along great with an RD because the RD will constantly fill the FNN’s needs. They will try to wiggle something out of you, anything, so they can turn it into something far bigger than it is. They never forgive, even if the transgression they’d be forgiving never actually happened. No amount of evidence about anything will change their minds once they’ve decided something, even if they’re completely wrong. And they tend to believe they know everything about every man, woman, child, pet, spaceman or poet ever born, even if they were not actually around the person to know anything.  Oh and if they attack you, you’re not allowed to defend yourself or respond in any way, because then you’re the one creating drama. Not the RNN who brought it up and will continue to perpetuate it – an RNN is perfect in every way.
RNNs are good people to just ignore and avoid when you can. Or tolerate, whatever your personal choice and needs may be. But if you find an RNN that’s also an RD – RUN!
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Wow TD, you sum it up well. I wish I had read this 3 years ago! I’ve recently been very badly burned by an RD and the RNNs that followed her, people whom I thought were my friends… sick and very sad. I found your blog through google updates on grief, thanks for the great read and excellent advice.