Eulogy for my mom

I sat down to write this with no idea what I was going to say or how I was going to say it. A lot of people knew Mom really well, from how giving she could be to how outright ornery she could be. That’s ornery in a good way of course. They knew her as a friend, a confidante, a sister, an aunt, an adopted grandma and a social butterfly. Some knew her as an accountant who had no problem asking, “Why in the world did you do this?” Shawn and I will remember her as quite possibly the best mother on the planet. So instead of writing about things a lot of other people already knew, I figured I’d write about things special just to us, and a few more I just couldn’t help but mention.

Like the times she put on her adorable face and kicked her feet up and down. She pulled this out when she wanted something, or when she’d just said something ornery and then switched to cute so we couldn’t stand to scold her, even playfully. She really enjoyed saying something like, “Are you going to get some ice cream?” I’d say yes and she’d say in her cutest voice, “Well can I have some?” Of course we’d bring her the ice cream and feel bad it took us so long!

Sometimes I’d be sitting in the living room, maybe whining about a bad day, and she’d make a noise, I’d turn, and that grin would be plastered on her face. There was no way in the world to be upset after that.

She was ornery as the day was long. And we gave it back. Not many people have a parent that actually asked for ornery kids. My mom did and boy did she get them. And she loved us even more for it.

She loved our “I can be pitiful” game. She would say something pitiful and I would playfully get on to her for trying to mess with me and she’d say, “But I’m coot.” She wasn’t cute, she was downright adorable. As a team we adored playing that game on others. She taught me the art and I think she was actually proud that I was so good at it.

One of her favorite things to do was watch Friends, The Golden Girls, wrestling or The Cosby Show with us. And I know she was happy that I ended up enjoying so many of the musicians she liked, just as I was happy she liked some of mine. She got me hooked on The Judds, Trisha Yearwood and Dolly Parton. I got her hooked on Pat Benatar, Joan Jett and Lita Ford’s “Kiss Me Deadly.” We had a lot of interesting car trips jumping from “I Love Rock and Roll” to “Coat of Many Colors.”

As cute as she could be, Mom had no problem stepping up for Shawn and me. Nobody messed with her babies. She was very protective but it came across in some very good ways – she taught us how to earn money, how money worked and how to plan for what we wanted. She made sure Shawn got the education he deserved, despite the hesitation showed by some of the educators she came across in the process. She would not accept that we should have less than anyone else.

One of the most important habits she had with me was her unfailing support. She didn’t have a problem letting me know if she thought something was off but then she let me learn something the only way you really can – by making a decision and seeing what happened. If I had a dream, she would talk to me about the pros and cons and what might need to be done, and then she’d do whatever she could do to help me out if I wanted to go for it.

She did have the ability to be nice to a fault sometimes. There were times I would have to stand up for her, but I never minded doing so.

In fact there was never anything I minded doing for her. I know she was afraid for a while after her diagnosis that I was missing out or couldn’t possibly be happy staying with her. I didn’t feel that way. I totally meant it when I wrote my song for her; there really was no place else I’d rather be.

I know I’m going to miss her like crazy but I also feel a great deal of relief for her. She was ready and wanted to be at peace. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I got to have what many miss out on: I not only got to return some of the many things she gave to me, but I also got to say everything to her and hear everything from her. I don’t think there’s a single thing she could have done that would have made me feel more loved – I really did have it all with her.

We might have pleasantly disagreed in our thoughts on an afterlife but regardless I really hope she got everything she wanted. She certainly deserved it.